We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
