I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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