p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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