Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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