just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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