His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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