I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
