Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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