so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
