I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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