I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
