As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
