Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
