You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
