I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
