Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
