There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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