You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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