So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
