worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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