I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just google imaged poop.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
