I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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