Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
