what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
