i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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