Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
