I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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