hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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