I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
