It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
