He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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