Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i already hear my dad disowning me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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