ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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