You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
