I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
