I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
