I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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