I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
