Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
