shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
