If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
