I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
