Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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