I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
