It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
