Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
