Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
