I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
