bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You are a genius and a whore.
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