All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
